Message 1375.1 General Discussion - The Ultimate EM Weapon

From: Team Delta (TEAMDELTA)
To: ALL
Sep-4 12:05 pm

Since all you posers are so into EM weapons, I should probably reveal my plans to use my home made HAARP weapon at the Vegas event. Fortunately my house sits atop an ancient river bank once replete with ferns. Their microbial decomposition now provides my MHD generation plant with essentially limitless current through six methane powered turbines. (I don't run them past 9PM and the neighbors don't complain.)

For those of you not aware of HAARP technology, it permits localized heating of the atmosphere through the absorption of standing EM waves. The USAF built one on the north slope of Alaska to pop off incoming Sov ICBM and Stuka bombers. I modeled my unit straight from the patents and it took about seven months to build; most of that spent laying the huge power cables down an old railroad right-of-way between the MHD plant and the TAC power switch.

Now, those waves have to be cleverly aligned using the magnetosphere as a type of superconductive mirror. I use a powerful FEA program running on an old PDP-11 that turned up in the Rockwell salvage yard a few years back. (No it doesn't run Linux and it isn't Open Source, so don't ask.) Targeting data is fed into two synthetic aperture radar arrays on the hills above my house; a laser rangefinder meters ground movement for optimal parallax correction.

Anyway the great thing about using HAARP is that I don't have to screw with actually *going* to Vegas to compete. The PDP takes about four seconds to compute the targeting solution on the BattleBox based on the instantaneous meteorological data at hand, and then BAM! Biohazard's drive motor magnets are too hot to develop any torque. So while I'm sipping a cold root beer, Tentomushi can carry him off to the killsaws.

I've already left instructions with BattleBots to just ship the giant nuts to my house, UPS Ground.

Thanks for playing.

Dan